For Get A Life: The Andrew Fleischmann Story, Press One...

For those of you actually visiting this site and reading the literary diarrhea I post here every so often, the following is something to get used to, for it shall happen often. It is an angry rant, much like my first post all those… uh… days ago, about a story I saw on the local news. This story, as is the norm, made me so angry through its utter stupidity from those involved, that I wanted to kick my own ass just for having watched it.

This story has been circulating for a few weeks now, so you may have already had the displeasure of being exposed to such nonsense. My infuriation, this time, was ultimately at the hands of State Rep. Andrew Fleischmann from Connecticut. Mr. Fleischmann is tired of movie theaters “not being honest” about the start times of their shows. So much so, that he is proposing legislation to force theaters to list the “actual” start times of their movies, as opposed to when the trailers/commercials start.

"We're being robbed of our freedom of choice because we're not told when the actual movie will begin,” carps Fleischmann.

Personally, I enjoy the previews. In fact, if I am running late and fear I’ve missed the trailers for a film I planned on attending, I will postpone my viewing for another time. I understand this is a bit ridiculous to some, but so is trying to pass bill through congress requiring movie theaters to list a start time that factors in previews and commercials. Fleischmann’s argument is that we are paying to see the films, so shouldn’t be inconvenienced with ten minutes worth of previews.

Perhaps our government officials can better spend their time on more important issues. Issues like, requiring the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) office to post actual wait times for customers who are there for hours at a time for a simple process like registering a new car. After all, we are paying for it. Why stop there? Let’s post signs in the DMV warning, “Workers Will Be Inexplicably Slow.”

You may be asking why something so simple can make one so angry. The reason: because it’s so re-damn-diculous. This is the type of person who shows up usually right as the movie is starting, if not a few minutes in. Lumbering around in the dark, trying to find a seat. Standing to remove his jacket in front of anyone unfortunate enough to be seated behind him. Ignorant and even callous to the fact that he is disturbing everyone in the theater.

No matter. The Motion Picture Industry will never completely dispose of previews, how else will we know what we want to see next time? In addition, theaters keep prices from rising even more than they currently do by showing commercials. At best, they will list the start time, with an estimation of how long the trailers and commercials will be. This means we’ll have to deal with even more ignoramuses disturbing paying theater goers. How self-absorbed is that?

“I can’t possibly sit through ten whole minutes of upcoming film trailers! I want the entire film industry to change their way of business for me.”

I think that, for most people, that preview/commercial buffer is helpful. I know people who are consistently late. So, instead of interrupting the experience for everyone else by coming in during the movie itself, they come in during the unimportant part, disturbing no one. Yeah, the commercials are annoying, I agree. But life is full of annoyances. And if you can’t bear ten minutes of minor annoyances before a two hour film, then you have bigger problems.

To take this a step further, I have a complaint for the author of one article I read supporting this legislation. My complaint is not directed towards him for his support of this issue, nor for having his own opinion. Giving idiots the false hope that anyone is interested in what they think, therefore they should write it down for the entire world to see, is what makes our country so great. Why else would I bother writing this? My complaint is about a comment he made concerning the issue at hand.

“It’s another reason why I’d love to see movies simultaneously released on pay-per-view and DVD.”

Spoken like a true dud. Why bother going out at all? While we’re at it, why don’t we force all restaurants to deliver meals to us? That way we don’t all have to suffer the unbearable agony of waiting in those long lines just to enjoy a decent meal, other than pizza and fast food, at a restaurant. Plus, we can all sit home on our fat asses and NEVER have to learn the appropriate social skills we still haven’t learned at this point in our lives.

Someone needs to wake these people from their Peter Pan existences.