They Got Paid For This?

Everyday I am amazed by the things I see in Rochester. Last night, was yet another moment of jaw-dropping, eye rubbing disbelief. One may be thinking...

“What could it be this time? Could it be the ungodly amounts of snow during the winters?”

Nope.

“Perhaps the vehicular maundering by every person over 60?”

No.

“ Ok, ok. I got it. It’s the shear lack of economic growth and stability!”

Guess again.

“I give up.”

Rochester is unique in the fact that based on the chosen commercials that air on major television stations here, I have concluded that it is illegal to advertise anything unless said advertisement was:

a) Thought up by a drunk/high retarded monkey with one arm and a lisp

b) Created with a VHS camcorder (circa 1982)

c) Actually “filmed” in the creator's basement, using friends, family, and local homeless persons as the cast

I know we all have our favorite and least favorite commercials. A good commercial is clever, effective, and makes us actually remember the product, or at least remember we “liked that commercial, with the guy who takes the picture with the frames, and moves it over his face… you know what I mean, right?”

Adversely, a bad commercial is not only ineffective, but we have no desire to ever see this commercial again. In fact, if we do suffer the misfortune another time, we are often over-come with an uncontrollable anger many times leading almost to the destruction of ones television and the severe beating of a neighborhood senor citizen. (The senor citizen had SOMETHING to do with it, even if it was the fact they you were stuck driving behind them as they drove 6 miles an hour, erratically, swerving back and forth between lanes.)

What is it, you ask, that could possibly be such an abomination on the eyes and brain that could impel me to drone on so incessantly? I could go on and on... but I won't

Diverging, I never understood why certain companies thought there was a need to advertise? I mean, Coca-Cola, MacDonald’s… and so on. They spend hundreds of millions a year… A YEAR on advertising. It’s not as if we’ll be strolling along a sidewalk when a bus passes and suddenly exclaim, “What’s that? A sandwich? You know, maybe I should try this eating thing…” You never see an ad for cups. But we all use them, now I want to see an ad.

“Tired of making a mess everytime you’re parched?” (Black and white scene depicts a man trying to drink from his hands, unsuccessfully, as grape juice pours all over his white pants. He looks painfully into the camera and we hear the sound of WAH… WAAH... WAAAH… WAAAAAAH.)

“Now, from the geniuses that brought you plates, comes the latest in rehydration technology… cups.”

Maybe this thought is idiotic. Maybe this thought is crazy.

Idiotic, yes... Crazy, yes...