Debauchery, 375 CC's At A Time

Being the good little Irish boy that I am, I was determined to ensure last night was one liver beating good time. What helped make this easier was the fact my wife’s work was having an all expenses paid party. By all expenses, I mean drunk.

Now, what most people don’t know is that I’ve become somewhat of a surrogate Amy when it comes to her work functions. The reason for this is simple, she works all the time, and gets screwed out of attending fun events. So, in her stead, I go. Keeping her dreams alive, and my liver pickled. If you can’t foresee my quagmire at this point, I must be more of a belligerent jackass than I thought.

My job, at these functions, is to represent Amy as best possible. That being said, it is a delicate balance between upholding the work ethic and overall good persona she carries with her, and the voice inside me the beckons, “two shots, tequila, here.” It is extremely hard, obviously, since my conscience and good judgment is at work, and not keeping me in line. Now, for the last two years, when I show up at one of these functions, alone, no one gives a second thought. What I fear is that I wake up the next morning, empty bottles in hand to an angry wife standing over me, cloaking me in the shadows of her disappointment, blunt object in hand.

Sure, I’m exaggerating a bit… but those of you that really know me might think, “Is he?” By no means am I the only, or even worst, display of ‘what not to do in public’ at these things. In fact most find my playful nature inviting and entertaining during these little get togethers. Still…

I always have this lingering fear. But, I will say, it was an eventful Drinky McStuble Day for me. It started with a 12-person Irish Car Bomb salute. What’s that? Driving out the snakes? Sure, bottoms up! Of course, stuffing ones gullet with coconut fired shrimp, prime rib sandwiches, and Samuel Adam’s… gratis, is a good thing.

I will end with this, my wife and her colleges work hard… very hard. But, they get treated well when it comes time to relax and enjoy ones self. It can be, as well, an interesting scene.

Ever see a cardiologist doing a keg stand while 6 other doctors hold him upside down and cheer him on? I have.